A Recipe For the Common Cold

Follow these simple steps and you’re almost bound to catch a cold. Do the opposite and you can make the common cold less common:

Eat a poor diet. If you want to catch a cold, make sure your body lacks the vitamins and minerals it needs to keep itself in good repair. Eat lots of processed foods, stripped of their nutritional value.

Avoid adequate rest. Deprive yourself of adequate rest. Stay up late and reduce the time you sleep as much as possible. Use tobacco, coffee and other stimulants to fool yourself into thinking you have more than enough energy.

Stop exercising. Reduce the effectiveness of your immune and lymphatic systems. Unlike the circulatory system, your lymphatic system depends upon exercise and movement to circulate these germ-fighting fluids, so sit on the couch and stare at the TV.

Rarely wash your hands. Increase your chances of catching a cold by compromising your personal hygiene. Remember to use your dirty hands and fingers to rub your eyes, pick your nose or wipe your lips.

Think negative thoughts. Look for opportunities to visuali[z]e having a cold. Pay attention to news reports about outbreaks of the flu and pay close attention to advertising that sells medications for cold sufferers.

Invite stress. Stress yourself physically by experiencing extreme temperature and humidity changes. Stress yourself mentally with constant worry or fear.

Become dehydrated. Avoid drinking enough water. Reduce the effectiveness of your natural def[ense] mechanisms and other bodily functions by carefully avoiding fluids.

Forget your appointments. Ignore your nervous system, the master controller of your immune system. Avoid these preventative strategies and shun our suggestions of periodic chiropractic checkups to help you stay well.